How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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