I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
