They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
