ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
