What a fucking waste of an outfit
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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