I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
