Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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