I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
