Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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