Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
