Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
