I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
