just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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