apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
