Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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