There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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