Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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