Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
