Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
