My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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