I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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