I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
