I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
