i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
