You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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