How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
