R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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