there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
These tits shall not be calmed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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