He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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