look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
