the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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