You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
