I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
