I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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