According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
