At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
