I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
