It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
