It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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