Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
