Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
