im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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