He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
