I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
