Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
