how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
