he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
