the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
