You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
