Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You ruined the universe
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
