DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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