i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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