Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
