She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
