We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
