So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
