i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Vodka?
Forever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
