My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
