I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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