hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
