A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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