Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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