I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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