i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
