nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
