I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
