The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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