Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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