there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
