3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
