i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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