Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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