How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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