i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
