I want to make a zoo with you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
