i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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