I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize