two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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