Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
