okay pat passed out under dana's car
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
