Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
