He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
