nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
