Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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