Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
