I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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