fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
