i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
