he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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