i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
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We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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